


Smoke Trails and Night Air

by Avoine



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Ain/Ciel (mentioned), Alternate Universe, Angst, it's not edited loooool, this isn't meant to be shippy and it really isn't, working title: thomas the dank engine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 05:30:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16130615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avoine/pseuds/Avoine
Summary: He walked too slowly so Lu pulled him, breaking into a run. His legs weren’t cooperating.Can you see? He meant to ask as she barrelled past the darkened rooms of moving form and flowing shadows, as they tripped forwards into the mottled light.In that long ago he stood and watched as she burned.Years after the accidental fire that takes Rena's life, Elsword finds himself meeting his friends once again as he boards the train to travel to Aisha's funeral. Forgiven or not, he knows things will not be the same again. It probably doesn't help that the train grinds to a mysterious halt in the woods.





	1. Station

**Author's Note:**

> This is not very coherent. I apologize.

They met by the edge of the station. Mid-evening sun had dropped weak into the horizon and the long shadows of the overgrown grass by the concrete edge danced across the pavement. Elsword gazed sideways at his own distorted shadow along the wall, caught adrift in the golden blaze of chilly November air. At the empty station’s end, the black-clad girl sat still enough to be another piece of the rusting steel overhang. Elsword watched the stripes pass over his shadow, melt away and into the light again as he stood under the trusses.

Eve tipped her head up, a polite acknowledgement of his arrival. Her legs were crossed, black stockings and modest black dress. Not a day had passed for her. Too late to stop and think. He hadn’t nearly collected his words.

“Looks real abandoned, don’t it,” he said with a good-natured smile. He raised a hand to the back of his head, almost instinctively.

She nodded calmly. “Fitting.” And nothing more. She was looking elsewhere now. To the rolling field and steel puzzle beneath their feet.

“It’s real good to see you.” He meant it.

“Likewise.”

“You live around here?”

“Yes.”

And that made two. His thoughts wandered to Aisha again as he took a seat at the other end of the sun-warmed bench. Somewhere out there in the great expanse of lights and noise, would she ever have found the silence she so desired? If there were one thing he took her to be, it was certainly not a night owl. A night owl roosting a million miles and an overnight train ride away. Had she gone on to finish her studies? Was somebody waiting for her, somebody new in her life overwriting the wandering traces of Ciel’s cookies or Ara’s laughter with unintentional, innocent brutality? Perhaps not. There would be no reason to summon the former group otherwise.

Nobody was left now at the lonely station.

\---

Elsword tipped his head against the glass, the gentle shuddering of the iron tracks worming its way into his skull as he leaned against the side of the train. It was warm and cozy inside, soft fluorescent lights dimmed and the heavy maroon carpet fading into oaken seats. A bit tacky maybe, but the overnight trains were always nicer than the standard fare. Thankfully, it wasn’t busy. Actually, it was anything but busy. Aside from the few formally dressed friends he had run into while clambering aboard, there didn’t seem to be any other passengers.

He had not been given any time between losing sight of Eve as she ducked into the car ahead before nearly coming face to face with Chung, hidden behind a towering bundle of white lilies. His breath had hitched in his throat as he tried to remember how he should act. He didn’t want to see him again and had not expected this wrench in his plans.

The blond had looked away, unreadable. “I’m sorry, there’s pollen on your coat.”

“I like it better than way,” Elsword quipped, without thinking through much of the logic of his statements. He tried not to stare, tried not to let the coldness seep into his veins at the sight of those unassuming blue eyes.

He was now sitting at the other end of the car, the only remaining part of Chung in sight the tops of the crinkled cellophane flower cover peeking over a hardwood panel. He had made no attempt to start a conversation.

Elsword sank back into the cushioned seats, facing forward and shoving his head back against the glass. It was dark out now, nothing to see without the station lights piercing into the dark so that only foggy shapes were swimming past. His own reflection stared back at him haggardly, oddly well-put-together for once. Matching tie. Elesis must be proud. Now if it weren’t for the pollen all over his lapel. The air inside was still and antiseptic, not stuffy but not circulating either so even though he was a solid few meters away from Chung, he could still catch the delicate fragrance of the white lilies. Hopefully Ele already would have some sort of flower arrangement figured out when they got there, yet part of him knew that she would never remember that kind of small detail. That was something that only Rena would--

He cut himself short, straightening and stretching his arms emphatically. The seats were all empty and he was half tempted to just lie down and go to sleep and wake in the bright morning and buzz of the city.

“Oh there you are! Elsword!” The dull, periodic clicking was replaced by the irregular padding of feet, before Ara swept into the car and nearly ran into a pole. She stopped, one hand gripping the armrest as she readjusted the shoulder of her cardigan that had come loose in the ordeal. Her bangs had flopped over her eyes and it seemed one of her gloves was missing. She smiled, extending out a hand to him. He took it, noting the warmth of her thin fingers.

“Why, I could have sworn we’d met before.”

“Oh stop that!” She laughed. “I was worried you missed the train, until I saw Eve. That’s everyone here now.”

He couldn’t help the small shock that flitted across his face. Every last person?

She stood back, as if taking in how much he’d grown up. “I’m really happy to see you.”

“Who wouldn’t be?” Elsword replied with a laugh.

“It’s been so long! Oh, you’ll forgive me for forgetting to keep in touch, please?”

She put her hands together, still standing over him. But did she forget? Really she had no obligation to talk to him, and beneath the kind exterior he was aware that they both knew this was the case. Ara who had stood silently behind Add as the words fell caustic from his lips. She never met his eyes, and who was he to blame her.

“Aha, it’s just as much my fault as yours. Tell you what, how about we change that? I’m sure Ele would love to see you around more often.”

Ara gave a pleasant nod. “I want to cherish the time we have together.”

“Of course.”

“Have you seen Ciel yet? He looks so happy, oh, he’ll tell you about--” she suddenly froze, her glossy eyes widening. “No, he has to tell you himself.”

“Oh, something juicy you’re not letting me in on?” Elsword said, crossing his arms.

“Perhaps you’ll find it so, but it’s really his news.”

She twirled a long black strand around her sharp nail. "Raven's here too, maybe you should check in with him."  
  
She said it very gently. It did nothing to stop Elsword's stomach from turning and for the rhythmic rocking of the train to suddenly become extremely nauseating. He slowed his breathing. Not now.  
  
"Sure, sure, I'll look for Ciel first."  
  
"This is the caboose, they're all sitting near the front of the train."  
  
"I could use the exercise," he replied, swinging himself into a standing position. "Catch you later."  
  
She smiled and tipped her head.

\---

Elsword stood up, finding his legs had already gone stiff, and made his way to the front of the cabin. A few paintings of trees were laid against the thick damask wallpaper, impressionistic in nature and dimly lit. It seemed the connections were sectioned off behind panels and what looked like white metal filigree. Standing behind the mottled shadow of the floral swirls, he could just barely see Ara stopping to talk to Chung in the otherworldly pieces of petals and holes fallen through.

The gangway connection was a thin hallway, the windows going from the long, curtain draped walls to thin portholes. A door maybe, it was hard to see along the edges, but he stopped to glance at the moving darkness through the tiny, circular window, his fingers trailing along the smooth edges of the door. It was shaking, shuddering across every rail and every turn, and the silence of the cabin gave way to the beating of the steelworks. Again, it seemed he might be lulled to oblivion as his eyes glazed over.

He didn’t want to cross into the next cabin. But he did. Empty, same layout but it was almost completely unrecognizable without inhabitants. And to the next. Each empty in turn and if he hadn’t noticed the small details, a magazine strewn on a table here, the curtains arranged differently there, he might be inclined to believe that he had turned around and walked into the same room all over again. His steps were unsteady, the train still shaking.

He chanced upon what looked like the dining area, but it seemed to be closed, lights dark and tables gleaming pristine and set with red napkins and glittering glass receding into the darkness.

The next room flowed faintly with piano music, and the next was fully lit, almost empty again except this time a fluffy black skirt peeked out from the recesses of a seat. Elsword grinned, sauntering over and leaning his elbow against the wall.

“Elsword?” Lu looked up at him, wide eyed. Her face was sticky with what looked like red candy. “You’re alive?”

“Ouch.”

He would have gone to pat her head but he wasn't sure if it was sticky too.

Lu lost interest in him very quickly, bobbing her head around on self contentment and playing with the ribbons on her dress.

Curiously, she had been left here alone, or so he thought.

A man in a neat black suit with no possessions besides a thick bag resting against his knees was reading the newspaper, a few seats away from Lu.

The train seemed to grind to a halt as Elsword looked on, as if they had all fallen into picture perfect eternity in that one instance where Lu’s hand was forever on its way to her mouth and his own face was stuck in a stupid grin and Raven had yet to notice his presence.

He looked up, the edge of his dark yellow eyes thin and veiled behind tired eyelids.

“Why, hello, Elsword.”

Elsword swallowed hard, stiffly. Raven wasn't quite looking his way, as if he was politely conversing with someone right behind him.  
  
"Nice to see you! Haven't aged a day huh? I like the new haircut." Elsword beamed. He swayed a little as he talked.  
  
The older man’s hair hadn't changed much, besides being just a little smoother and closer to his face now. And that other part was a lie too. Where it had been red streaked and spiky there were now coarse grey strands poking through.  
  
But when Raven turned his sharp eyes on him, when the full force of his disapproving gaze and slightly tensed jaw fell upon Elsword, the old feelings came back rushing through the empty streets and weighing down his chest like river stones.

“Thank you.” He seemed to have no intention of saying anything else and looked back down at his paper.

The spell broke, and Elsword leaned back against the cold wall, breathing in the slow music. He could not move.

Lu didn’t stop bouncing around. “Hey, hey, hey,” she said, poking Elsword in the leg. “Where’s my bear?”

He was a deer caught in headlights and yet his charismatic exoskeleton crumbled into action faithfully. “Your bear? I’m not sure.”

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m thirsty.”

Elsword laughed, and patted her head. “Maybe you can get something from the bar.” It was in fact sticky and he tried to discreetly wipe his hand on his pant leg.

A very tall man with fluffy white hair and a wrinkled tailcoat nearly ran past them. He stopped, glanced back at Elsword and Lu and his face split into a friendly smile. He had one glove on and the other dangling from his mouth as he hauled a heavy-looking pink backpack behind him.

“Elsword! Fancy seeing you here.” The twinkle in Ciel’s eyes seemed genuine, and while Elsword bore no ill feelings towards him, he couldn’t help but resent him for his happiness. He knew that Ciel was not as hopelessly enmeshed as the rest of them, that there were no overgrown roots to wrench away from his heart if they had never grown too thick to begin with. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hm?” Oh, he meant Aisha.

Elsword was blank.

“It’s okay, she wouldn’t have wanted us to feel that way,” he could only offer the stock reply.

“I suppose you’re right. It’s all so sudden. I know you were close, so please don’t hesitate to talk to me if you need to.”

How wrong that statement was had yet to be determined but all Elsword could think was that he quite literally had not contacted Aisha since the day she left. Perhaps he should have. The chance had slipped by all the same, and amends were never made. He wanted to think that he was somewhere in her thoughts in those last moments and their friendship had not dissolved into thin air. He had loved her as his sister and yet she turned her back and left forever. And all the same he was guilty, and he wished she had forgotten him.

Ara came up behind him, still toying with a loose strand of hair. They were all done up, the rest of them, neat and trim and ready, unlike the sticky child sitting behind him. Perhaps Aisha would have liked the gesture.

“Oh, it’s just awful,” she said quietly, and he could tell that her amber eyes were trained on his face. Was there some agreement that he had missed, where they had collectively decided to walk on eggshells around him? “An accident? It's tragic.”

“They're not sure. How terribly unfortunate.” Ciel crossed his arms.

“You absolutely must watch Lu around the docks.”

“Lu is well-behaved when she wants to be. I’m positive she can swim too.”

What did Aisha think of when she plummeted into the blur of orange lights and black water? Elsword’s grip on the chair rail was loosening.

Ara stayed, shaking her head.

Perhaps Ciel had seen something cross Elsword’s face that even he hadn't been aware of. He patted him on the shoulder. “Perhaps you should go sit with Chung in the back. C’mon, I'll walk you.” He couldn't help but notice that for once the white-haired man was not wearing gloves, and perhaps the discreet ring around his finger wasn't there last time.

He went on. “I'm sure your sister can't wait to see you, and between you and me, Ain won't stop talking about you and Eve and the other kids.”

Ara seemed to suddenly remember something, her eyes sparking wide and excited.

“Oh he's married him, you haven't heard!”

Elsword raised an eyebrow, snapping back into action. “Well, you've got my congratulations!” He clapped Ciel on the shoulder. “Guess you're not gonna die alone?”

It caught him off guard but he supposed that it was no secret that Ain had a thing for just about everyone. Perhaps at least two of their number had found happiness in the end. Yet this knowledge alone placed Ciel on the other side of an invisible barrier, as if he had could look back in but never stand next to him, never touch the same sacred space that the rest of them occupied.

Sadly almost, but then again were they ever standing in solidarity?

“I'm thirsty,” Lu said. She tugged on Elsword’s pant leg, her bright eyes sparkling up at him in the dim light.

“Oh?” Elsword smiled at her. “Maybe there's something in the dining carriage.”

“Okay, let's go. What's taking so long?” Lu grumbled.

“Can we?”

“You may.” Ciel tipped his head.

Lu extended a tiny hand to Elsword as she started walking. She didn't wait and Elsword had to trot to catch up and take her hand.

“Alright. Bye, Ara, bye, Ciel,” he turned to say.

He paused.

 

“Bye, Raven.”

 

The flat yellow orbs slid up to look at him for a second before gliding away again. That was all he needed to say anyway.

\--

“Hey stupidface, what’s wrong?” Lu asked in her tiny voice as Elsword led her into the dining carriage. His face was starting to heat up and try as he might could not quite look straight at the ground in front of him.

Someone had left a decanter out on the counter. He tried to smell it first to check it was water, setting the lid down with a crinkle of crystal.

Take initiative for once, Aisha would say.

He half filled one of the dainty crystal cups left upside down and passed it to Lu, who took it with both hands.

She swallowed it in one gulp before handing it back.

He was being responsible, right?

“My bear. Mr. Bear is back there,” she said, almost immediately. He replaced the cup, right side up, and the cabin was filled with the tinkling laughter of glass.

“Where?” He asked.

“Back there.” She extended her arm as if he could see through the walls.

“Okay, let’s go get him.”

The walls were ballooning in softness as he marched past the seats filled with black-suited occupants. Here and there he brushed past the whispering figures spilling over the seats and leaning against the walls, stepped over the hunched suitcases and belongings tumbling into the aisles. There was no room to set foot. He was suffocating in the swaying of black fabric.

He walked too slowly so Lu pulled him, breaking into a run. His legs weren’t cooperating.

 _Can you see?_ He meant to ask as she barrelled past the darkened rooms of moving form and flowing shadows, as they tripped forwards into the mottled light.

But she must have been blind.

The tiny girl led him into the softly lit carriage, at once the air falling away and breaking beyond the door frame. Rocking onwards, the train never stopped shuddering.

Chung was still sitting by the door, the lilies placed neatly on the empty seat beside him, white petals compressed in some places and pale yellow pollen dusting the upholstery. Something had come loose and as Elsword struggled to stand upright by the door, Lu ducked behind an arbitrary choice of seat to shuffle around for her precious toy.

Chung watched him in his tentative silence and Elsword opened his mouth to ask him.

 

He remembered only a low, primordial thud that echoed into the recesses of his bones.


	2. Woods

\--

_ Did you hit your head? Rena asked. She didn’t move to touch it and he was glad because he didn’t want to be babied this time. Is your eye alright? Can you see me?  _

_ Maybe. He laughed and poked at Raven’s foot. That was a close one. _

_ He furrowed his brows, frowning. You should have told me. You shouldn’t be climbing that. _

_ Can’t I have a little fun? _

_ Stop squirming, now. Rena said. Go wash it off. Before it gets on your clothes. It doesn’t hurt? _

_ She looked seriously concerned this time and he supposed that he should stop laughing. _

_ It’s okay. I’m okay. _

\--   
The lights flickered when he came to.

Chung was bent over him, the hazy outlines of his face masking the incandescent glow.

 

All was still. All was silent.

 

_ Can you see? _

 

“Are you hurt?” 

He wasn’t sure if he could read genuine concern on Chung’s face. It seemed as if he only closed his eyes for a second before opening then again yet the darkness lasted an eternity and he could not confirm this to be true.

A rather sudden wailing came from somewhere indeterminate to the left.

“It’s stopped!” Lu’s shrill voice piped.

Elsword tried to sit up, brushing aside the hand Chung offered. The room was still swaying before him.

“Did you find him?”

Lu wasn’t listening anymore. She curled by the door, sitting on the floor.

“Who?” Chung asked. “The bear?”

“Mr. Bear.”

“She has the bear.”

As he finally found his balance, he caught hazy sight of Lu standing behind Chung, as if hiding behind him.

It was utterly, unnervingly quiet.

Elsword steadied himself, breathing in sharply as he reached to touch the back of his head. His fingers came back dry but he couldn't shake the deep throbbing running down the back of his neck.

The cabin was dead silent and the rocking was gone.

“It's...stopped,” he echoed. In the bright lights Chung seemed to shift rather uncomfortably.

“Yes, I think so.” He frowned. “I’m going to check up ahead. Lu, don’t go anywhere, okay?”

It seemed she hadn’t heard him and silently Chung slipped past Elsword into the next carriage. 

Lu seemed to contemplate sitting back down again but instead elected to scuffle her way to the still kneeling redhead.

Something was off, something sharp and ringing in the side of his head, even though he knew it was silent around him.

Her movements echoed across to him as she stood watching him curiously. Pale blue eyes, unlike anyone else's, but what mattered was not her babyfaced expression but the pinprick pupils watching him like black beads.

Chung was back sooner than he thought, his steps loud and clear against the tinnitus.

“The coupling is gone,” he said evenly. “I think you heard it go too. Snapped, probably.”

“What?”

“The rest of the train is gone. It's just these two cars.” He glanced away furtively when Elsword squinted his eyes at him wondering if he'd heard him right.

He stood up, one hand gripping the cold metal edge of a panel, and swing himself into the aisle so he could see clear into the second car. Chung was holding the door open and he could see clear into the next car, with its own warmly lit fixtures and and plush seats and shiny door, and beyond that, nothing but empty blackness gaping through the missing door and the ghostly glinting of rails beyond.

Now the stillness at least made some sense.

“We’ve been left behind.” Elsword said, half to himself.

“We’re going to be late,” Lu added. “Purple-head doesn’t like it when we’re late.”

Elsword turned on her. “Purple-head drowned,” he snapped.

“Elsword!” Chung hissed.

“It’s just the honest truth.”

“No-- I mean maybe we shouldn’t--”

“You’re going to? What?” He had moved closer to Chung now and as the blond stared back at him there was a pointed stillness to his features. “Continue pretending that we’re not on our way to--”

“Lu, sweetheart, are you tired?” Chung broke away from his gaze abruptly and bent down to extend a hand to the white-haired girl.

She nodded. He guided her over to the back corner, where she climbed onto the seat and disappeared behind the rows and rows of red cushions. Elsword stood staring, floored.

“Elsword and I are  just going to talk a bit, but I’ll come right back if you call, okay?”

So nobody had bothered to tell Lu about the reason for their train ride. But who was to say she would have cared?

Chung reappeared without his coat, and wordlessly slipped past Elsword to open the door.

He got the memo and followed him into the second car, where the air was colder somehow. Perhaps one of the windows was open, or the gaping hole at the other end was doing something. Sharper but still not quite real. The door closed softly behind them.

Elsword sat down at the side, next to the rolling windows, leaning over with his elbows on his knees.

Chung seemed to consider sitting across from him for a split second, before joining him neatly on the same side, a polite seat’s distance between them.

“Is something the matter?” Chung finally asked, tentatively. Elsword didn’t look at him.

It seemed that the realization that they were suddenly stuck in the middle of nowhere without half the train was just beginning to dawn on him. On the other side of the window, he could just make out the shadowy arms of the pine trees.

“We’re going to be late for the funeral,” he said flatly. “Then what?”

“They must realize soon.”

“How odd.”

“Hmm?”

“The train broke.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.”

 

They let an uncomfortable silence settle like fine sand.

Elsword cleared his throat. “Maybe we should leave. We can walk and get help.”

“It's cold and dark and we're in the middle of nowhere. What if we get lost? Besides, the conductor has to notice soon.”

“And if we wait forever?”

The cold air pressing against the windows had not yet slipped its tendrils down the back of Elsword’s coat but surely Chung must have realized, sitting there in his slightly crinkled shirt and vest, that the cabin was only growing colder.

“We'll certainly miss the funeral then,” Chung offered. A useless statement. It was hollow even in the absence of all sound. Elsword kicked at the bottom of the seat with his heel, steady rhythm something if nothing else. He hadn't thought Chung one to take a tragedy at face value, or treat it lightly at that. And now he was staring at a complete stranger who seemed like a bit of a soft idiot but then it wasn't fair to judge new acquaintances so harshly now was it?

“What are you getting at?” he said finally.

“I'm not getting at anything, I'm just saying we're going to make it out alive if that's what you're worried about.” He shrugged, looking away. Elsword could hear the motion of the cloth. “I'm just stating a fact.”

For a second he hung on the edge, ensure of whether he should sink his teeth into Chung’s conscience, give him something of a wound to lick later and something of his own to contemplate. Or he could play it friendly. Jokingly back away from him and let him slip by again. He breathed in, sharply, and all the pressure in his head seemed to near a critical point.

“Does it matter? If we're late. If we miss it. If they never find us and we never even get there?”

“We're not going to die in the woods. And I'm sure Aisha would have liked us to be there, if nothing else. After all, you were her friend, doesn’t that count for anything?”

Aisha who was so quick to point fingers the day of the fire.

Chung seemed to reconsider his statement and bent his head. “Sorry, I don't mean to--”

“Do you know what she said last?” Elsword’s fists were clenching involuntarily and he worked them against his knees, feeling the fabric slide underneath against his nails. The coldness was dropping down his back and making his hands shake and the tapping of his foot rather irregular.

“No, I don't believe so,” Chung said meekly. Elsword could feel his solemn gaze pressing against his body to prompt him onwards and this did nothing to help the strange rigor tracing slowly across the surface of his bones. 

Elsword shook his head slowly, in case he might fumble her words. “If it had been me outside, I don't know how...”

The stillness was gripping his chest like the trees had caved upon and crushed the carriage.

“I-I don't know how I could have just stood there.”

 

_ I wish you'd been inside the fire instead of Rena. _

Raven didn't say it loudly, in fact Elsword wasn't quite sure all of it had been real. But all he needed was the look in Raven’s eyes anyway.

_ I didn't take you to be a coward. _

Of course those words were meant for him alone.

_ Will you run and hide when it's my turn? _

But nobody needed to say it for him to feel it. To notice their glassy eyes trained on his back or the dwindling presence or the sudden distance was more than enough.

Chung shuffled slightly closer.

“She was hurting, Elsword. She didn't mean it. Nothing could get in the way, she was still your friend.”

Elsword glanced up at him. A wash of viscous light and refracted fog was covering his eyes so that he could barely make out more than Chung's hand raised in uncertainty and some vestigial expression of distress on his mouth.

He shook his head. As if Chung himself hadn’t been there the whole time to see it. As if Chung wasn’t standing there watching when Aisha walked away, when her footsteps left the hollow station and only Elesis had half a mind to wave goodbye.

“That was never true.”

Then arguments. The court had gathered and each took their turn on trial, standing in the living room or scattered in the hall glaring at each other.

 

_ What an unfortunate tragedy, _ Ara would say. Because fate is inescapable. Happens to the best.

_ She left too soon _ , Ain would say. Did he really hope to understand the depths of their grief?

 

And all the while everyone was sure that they were not at fault, that they could not possibly be at fault, except Elsword who stood wide-eyed in the middle.  And Chung who watched silently as Raven advanced on him.  _It was you who did nothing. It was you who brought her death upon the them all._

“You don’t understand.” He wanted to collect Aisha into some sort of conveyable statement but it seemed even now a part of his mind had walled her off into some dusty corner.

Aisha he could file away. Ain and Ciel too. Ara and Eve and Lu, too easy. Only logical responses. Elesis. Maybe. But the rest. Had their cold eyes ever truly left him?

And if he had truly been innocent in his cowardice, who was at fault for his trial?

 

“I don’t assert that I do, but I would like to if--”

“I thought you were my friend,” Elsword said finally, in as tiny a voice as the silence would allow to live.

Chung seemed slightly taken aback, something moving in the cold blue pools and he looked away as Elsword hurriedly turned hide back into the collar of his coat.

He started to say something but thought the better of it.

The silence grew heavy again, the air colder still.

“I’m sorry,” Chung said, finally. “It’s no excuse but I wasn’t sure what I felt then either.”

Elsword supposed he should laugh that off too.  _ Don’t worry, I know. That’s how it is sometimes. _

But of course the gaping hole in his chest wasn’t going to accept as paper-thin an answer.

“And it won’t fix anything now, but I’m here.”

_ You’re stuck here. _

But his insides were writhing still and he could only stare blankly with his eyes welling and unblinking as the other raised his head to look at him.

“I’m supposed to believe that when you weren’t here for me before? When these things you couldn’t possibly understand took over? When everybody left me to...” He wanted to give it the anger it deserved but his voice trailed off.

 

_ It was mid-morning in absolution and and Elsword had yet to scrape the taste of smoke from the back of his throat. _

_ In day they could sit soundly, converse quietly. _

_ He hadn't slept in their room since the day of, familiarity be damned because he could not walk into the same space without the guilty tug of something slightly missing in the corner of his eye. Her hands were soft, he remembered that. _

_ “You didn't know her for that long,” he said. _

_ “What?” Chung blinked at him, utterly clueless. _

_ “You wouldn't understand it. You didn’t know her. What does it matter to you. You just met her." _

_ He stared back, the hurt visible on his face. “That doesn't mean she didn't matter to me.” _

 

Elsword stood up abruptly. Chung shifted in reaction.

The flames were licking at the gaping door now, the windows covered in a layer of condensation as the heat collided against the cold glass. Outside, the trees were being consumed, fading into an orange smoke that coiled thick and palpable beyond the windows, the only evidence of their existence the crackling roar of their splitting trunks and falling branches. He was surrounded. The heat and light spilled through all the windows around him, a sea of flame pressing against the delicate carriage. The side of Chung's face was illuminated in a haze light as he looked back at Elsword, puzzled. There was always a distance to his eyes, verging on caution in the flickering of the reflections in blue glass.

Elsword's breath hitched in his throat as he watched the wall of fire pressing in again, popping against the windows with cinders and pieces of white ash sticking to the glass. He was sure his mouth had fallen open and that his eyes were wet but the fire was advancing.

The words were escaping him but he pointed to the windows, made some frantic gesture. Chung stared back at him, confused.

“Elsword, what’s wrong?”

Chung stepped forward, putting a hand on Elsword’s shoulder as the latter sank slowly to the ground and pulled his cold legs against his body. He buried his face in his knees.

“There’s nothing out there. I see nothing.” The contact was foreign but Elsword barely felt it as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. Chung rubbed slow circles in his back, sitting down beside him.

He could taste the ash. He closed his eyes in repentance, for the last time as the train was consumed. As his punishment finally caught up to him, he thought. He would abandon reason in a moment if he could and embrace the impossible fire with no beginnings, give it all away and be the one to have perished in the blaze in an instant. If only it had been him and not her on that fateful day. Yet no such luck had ever befallen him and Raven’s sad, dark eyes leered at him on the insides of his eyelids.

“Take a deep breath, okay?” Chung said. He might not have been on the same plane of existence as him for all Elsword knew. But he nodded anyways and steadied his breathing, counting against the pressure in his lungs.  _ You need to escape,  _ he wanted to say.  _ Take Lu and run, run for your lives. _

\-- 

When he opened his eyes again only a minute seemed to have passed because it was still dark on the periphery of the windows. Lu was standing over him, her hair obscuring the overhead lights.

“Lu, give him some space.” Chung’s voice, calm. “Go wait for me in the other car, please.”

He found himself lying in the middle of the carriage, his head propped up against a lost seat cushion and Chung’s coat laid over his body. Lu offered him a mitten but seemed to reconsider before clutching it to her chest and waltzing away.

The world had stilled. Elsword blinked in the bright light and almost instantaneously the weight fell upon him again.

Chung was sitting farther down in the cabin, perched on one of the red seats. He looked rather uncomfortable as Elsword looked and him and he glanced away to play with the end of his tie.

“That was?” He finally mumbled.

“I don’t know,” Elsword replied as he sat up. “It’s fine.”

“But you’re still thinking about it. It didn’t happen but you know that already, I suspect. Nothing was out there.”

“It happened, Chung, just as it happened yesterday and the day before and the day before that and…” 

He looked for the breath to say more but it was too fast for him and what was the point anyway?

“I….I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that but does it mean anything to you now?”

At this Chung fell silent, and when Elsword looked over at him finally, expecting an answer, the blond had rested his chin on his clasped hands, bent over and trembling. He wasn’t looking at him.

“Of course it does, it always did,” he said, quietly.

Elsword watched his tears drop shiny onto the carpet. Something moved in him, not remorse but never had he felt as if he was so close to human being. Whatever he had done would be insignificant when the rawness hung like cobwebs in the air.

“It hurt me too, but you know that. I loved her all the same. And I loved you all the same. It was never your fault.” Chung hastily dragged his sleeve across his eyes, before he sank down and shuffled closer to where Elsword was sitting on the ground, his jaw closed tight. 

“People just...need some kind of justification, right?”

Elsword sat up, taking his weight off his wrists, and it all seemed to spill forth at once.

“But how can you say that? I left her, I ran away and now--”

“And now there’s nothing you can change about it.” Chung had moved beside him again, sitting with his back against the seats. “You were young, you can’t blame yourself forever.”

Elsword shrugged. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you that sooner and I’m sorry if nobody else did.” Chung held out a hand to the redhead still sitting in the nest of coats. 

Elsword looked over at him, finding his vision blurred again.He waited for the strength to move his arms before taking it. Obviously Chung had meant to shake hands in amends or something like that but he pressed it against his mouth, kissed the back of his hand before gently returning it to him.  The blond’s eyes were glassy, bruised. 

“I forgive you.”

He supposed he should make some grand gesture but the words were neither hollow nor weightless enough to require anything else. He let them sit, simply, in the cold silence.

He conceded, breathless. The station lights had not dimmed and his cold resolve had hardly softened but he beckoned the blond closer, until they were both facing the window, shoulders nearly touching. Chung nodded slightly. The suspension had not yet broken and in that moment Elsword was not quite sure if he had returned to the grounded train and the wooden panels pushing away the empty air or if he was floating somewhere above in the nebulous tower of smoke.

Alone they sat in the still coldness of the dark trees, miles away from any human besides the softly snoring girl in the next car. And through the spotless glass, the shadows of the unmoving trees carved the tepid moonlight into something like deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
